


memoirs of an amnesiac

by doubletan



Category: Chinese Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Cutting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Head Injury, M/M, Mention of past attempted rape, Permanent Injury, Sex, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:42:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24053056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doubletan/pseuds/doubletan
Summary: It is a cause for marvel how his body remembers to draw even when his mind has forgotten everything there is to remember.Maybe that is why he loves Wang Yi Bo even though he can’t remember how.
Relationships: Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan
Comments: 72
Kudos: 318





	memoirs of an amnesiac

**Author's Note:**

> clearly, i have taken a lot of liberties with this fic. it's definitely not scientifically accurate so no worries about losing your memories daily and permanently if you ever suffer a traumatic brain injury haha. xiao zhan is also...not how he is normally and you can attribute that to the brain injury (call it age regression or a slight retardation if you like) because if not the fic wouldn't work from the beginning a normal person would just run off HAHA
> 
> also, i used a few chinese terms and i'll translate them in the end notes. no worries, it won't affect your comprehension of the story!

_VLADIMIR:_ _It'll fall all of a sudden, like yesterday._

 _ESTRAGON:_ _Then it'll be night._

 _VLADIMIR:_ _And we can go._

 _ESTRAGON:_ _Then it'll be day again. (Pause. Despairing.) What'll we do, what'll we do!_

_\--Samuel Beckett, 'Waiting for Godot'_

He wakes to strong arms wrapped around him.

He scrambles away with a shout of alarm and hits the headboard hard. Pain shoots up his back but all he can do is stare fearfully at the man whose arms he was in only a moment ago.

The man awakens at the noise and rubs his eyes with a groan.

He can feel himself trembling. He wraps his arms around his knees as if they could protect him against the stranger.

The man turns to look at him and he is frozen to the spot. He looks at him with a gentleness and a warmth that seizes his breath away, yet something akin to weariness has found its way there as well. It doesn't belong there, he thinks, and he feels the urge to wipe it away with his thumb as if it is only a smudge of dirt on a sheet of clear glass.

He eyes the man who moves slowly into a crouching position on the far end of the bed, his arms out at his sides as if calming down a frightened animal.

"Just listen to me first alright?" the man says. He looks at him steadily as if waiting for an answer and so he nods warily.

"Your name is Xiao Zhan." He begins smoothly as if he had rehearsed this many times before. "You were in a car accident and suffered from a traumatic brain injury. That's why you can't seem to remember anything because you lose your memories every day once you wake up."

"I'm Wang Yi Bo." He pauses. "We've been lovers for a long time."

Yi Bo points somewhere to the right of him, and Xiao Zhan glimpses a thick file lying on a dressing table next to him before he snaps his eyes back to Yi Bo just as quickly. "You can look through that." Yi Bo says.

Xiao Zhan moves to take it slowly while his eyes remain on Yi Bo the entire time. The file is thick and heavy, and he has to use both hands to carry it to his chest.

He flips the file open. Each section is neatly organized by the year, beginning from the supposed year of his birth, and it contains everything from photographs of a child with his parents to newspaper clippings of a man that appears too many times to count that he supposes the man must be him.

He looks up at Yi Bo when he is done. He has not moved the entire time from his place at the edge of the bed. He sits cross-legged with his chin in hand and smiles slightly at Xiao Zhan when he notices him looking.

Xiao Zhan looks down at one of many photographs of Yi Bo and him in his hand, and then looks back up at the same person in front of him."So you're my boyfriend," he says shyly.

Yi Bo's smile widens.

-

"How did we meet?" Xiao Zhan asks. He has his head pillowed on Yi Bo's thigh, his finger tracing the curves of his muscles under his shirt. It gives him some form of gratification when they tense under his touch.

"The first time we met was on a variety show, but we only got together a year later when we acted in the same drama," Yi Bo says. He chuckles as a memory comes to him. "When we were filming on the night before my birthday, you caught an insect and chased me all around the filming site with it."

Xiao Zhan smiles at Yi Bo's smile. "Really?"

"Yeah." Yi Bo caught his hand and kisses the palm of it. "And then we climbed onto the roof and watched the stars together."

Xiao Zhan snuggles closer to Yi Bo, buries his face in his shirt so Yi Bo won't be able to see his face. "I wish I can remember."

He feels Yi Bo's breath stutter. "It's alright," he says. He lifts Xiao Zhan easily so he sits snug in his lap as they face each other. "I'll do the remembering for you. "

Yi Bo tucks his chin onto his shoulder and wraps his arms around him. Xiao Zhan has never felt safer in them.

"I'll tell them to you as many times as you want me to," Yi Bo says.

-

He wakes up in the arms of a stranger.

He blinks, looking at the face in front of him. A man, with a strong jawline and long eyelashes that fan across his cheeks. A sudden impulse comes over him, and he touches his cheek gently with the tip of his finger before drawing back.

The man's eyes begin to flutter, and then they are staring at each other. Neither of them moves. They are so close that he can feel the man's breath on his face and he thinks it must be the same for him too.

"Your name is Xiao Zhan." The man says after a long moment. "You were in a car accident and suffered from a traumatic brain injury. That's why you can't seem to remember anything because you lose your memories every day once you wake up."

Xiao Zhan continues to stare at him.

"I'm Wang Yi Bo." The man continues. "We've been lovers for a long time."

"Oh," he says. He does not move away.

Yi Bo inches forward slowly, his eyes on Xiao Zhan the entire time, and Xiao Zhan welcomes the arms that wrap themselves around him.

-

They stay in the living room together the entire day. The light from the window falls nicely onto his easel. It is a cause for marvel how his body remembers to draw even when his mind has forgotten everything there is to remember.

Maybe that is why he loves Wang Yi Bo even though he can't remember how.

Xiao Zhan peeks at him. He is sitting on the carpet with lego pieces strewn around the coffee table and a half-built structure in his hands. His brows are furrowed as he studies the instruction manual.

Yi Bo turns to look him. "What's the matter?" he asks.

Xiao Zhan grins cheekily from being caught and kicks his legs out from under his chair. "Nothing."

Yi Bo gifts him with a smile before turning back to his lego. Xiao Zhan continues to look at him until Yi Bo barks out a laugh and says, "What is it?"

The words leave him without much thought. "You're very handsome."

A flush of red finds its way onto Yi Bo's ears immediately. He fiddles with the lego in his hands and says, "So are you."

"I want to watch a show." Xiao Zhan says.

Yi Bo reaches for another piece of lego. "What show?"

"Chen Qing Ling."

He sees Yi Bo's hand freeze.

Xiao Zhan looks down at his hands. "I…I want to see us. The drama that brought us together. And..." he musters whatever courage he has and looks up at Yi Bo, "and the me from before."

Yi Bo puts the lego down onto the table and stares at it for a long moment. His chest heaves heavily. When he looks back up at Xiao Zhan, his eyes are steady once more. "Alright," he says.

-

He didn't mean to overhear. But Yi Bo had been gone for a long time with the lady who came over, and he just wanted to check if everything was alright.

"Are you really sure about retiring?" He hears her say.

Xiao Zhan pauses in his step. He edges his way quietly to the far end of the wall that blocks him just from sight.

"You're still young," she continues. "And even though you been gone for some time and everyone has probably suspected the truth about the both of you, your popularity is still one of the highest in the country. So many people would kill to be you Yi Bo." She pauses as if waiting for his reaction. Seeing none, she sighs. "Think about all the years you spent working. You lost your entire childhood working towards this dream. Would thirteen years old you be happy that you're giving it all up just like that?"

"Thirteen years old me hasn't met Xiao Zhan yet." Yi Bo says, and Xiao Zhan can hear the stubborn streak in his voice. "If you think you can convince me to go back this time around, well," he says, "the front door is right there."

She exhales heavily. "Yi Bo, I've been your assistant for years now," her voice begins to rise in agitation, "and I of all people know how much you been through, how much you and Xiao Zhan have been through, but you can't-" she pauses abruptly, lowering her voice. "You can't give up your entire future. Not like that."

"He would have done the same."

"But would he be happy if he knew what you're doing for him?"

"He will never need to know, and even if he suspects as much…" Yi Bo stops for a moment, "it doesn't matter. He's going to forget it anyway."

A long silence. "Can't you try to make arrangements? What about both of your parents?"

"They're too old to be taking care of him. And I wouldn't want to put him on any of them when I'm capable of taking care of him myself."

"What about getting a helper?"

Silence. "Yi Bo?" She asks carefully.

A finger begins to tap a steady rhythm on the kitchen table. "I…I haven't told you about this yet, haven't I?"

The lady does not reply as she waits patiently for Yi Bo to continue.

"It was all my fault, Wen Shan. _God,_ " a fist thumps itself hard on the table and Xiao Zhan jumps. "It was all my fault."

Yi Bo's inhales shakily. "I should have been more diligent in checking the helper's background. She was…she was another one of those sisheng."

Wen Shan swore.

"She hid it so damn well. When I came home he was naked and she was pressing him into the sofa just like that. And Xiao Zhan was crying so hard and luckily I returned right before-" he cuts off with a sob.

"I'll never forget how Xiao Zhan looked that day Wen Shan. He couldn't stop trembling the entire time and all I could do was to put him on sleeping pills."

"What did you do about her?" Wen Shan asks quietly.

A harsh bark of laughter cuts through the air. "What could I do? I couldn't even call the police on her. Not only because he won't remember a thing but a case like this would definitely be leaked to the public one way or another." He pauses. "All I could do was make her sign a non-disclosure agreement."

Yi Bo scoffs. "For once it's a blessing he won't remember it huh?"

"Yi Bo…" Wen Shan trails off. What could she or anyone say to that?

"I know you mean well. " Yi Bo continues. "And I really do appreciate all you have done for us all those years but nothing is more important than Xiao Zhan's wellbeing."

When Yi Bo returns to him after sending Wen Shan off, Xiao Zhan already has a smile plastered and ready for him. And if Yi Bo suspects that he had overheard, none of them speaks of it.

All is forgotten once more as he falls asleep in Yi Bo's arms.

-

Xiao Zhan looks out the window at the blue sky. "Do you spend every day with me?"

It takes Yi Bo a moment to reply. "Why do you ask?"

"Don't you have to work?" Xiao Zhan says. _Don't you have a life outside of me?_

Yi Bo remains silent.

The sky is a lovely shade of blue today. Xiao Zhan wonders if it is always so blue or if today's a special day. It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth knowing that he is going to forget how it looks like tomorrow. "Would it be better if I was gone?" he says.

Xiao Zhan is prepared when Yi Bo digs his hands into his shoulders and shakes them, but what he doesn't expect is the strength and desperation behind it.

"Never." Yi Bo says, and something in his eyes breaks Xiao Zhan's heart. " _Never._ "

-

They go to bed with Xiao Zhan wrapped in Yi Bo's arms. He thinks about how he has woken up the same way early this morning.

Yi Bo cracks an eye open to see Xiao Zhan staring back at him and the corner of his lips quirks into a lopsided smile.

He knocks Xiao Zhan's head gently. "Sleep," he says.

Xiao Zhan closes his eyes obediently. He thinks of how Yi Bo has wakened up every morning, thinks of what he will continue to wake up to every morning, thinks of how he falls asleep every night knowing what morning will bring, and lets sleep envelop him.

-

An elderly couple has come to visit them. Xiao Zhan had assumed that they were Yi Bo's parents until the woman presses her warm hands to his cheeks.

"Zhan Zhan," she says, warm and tender. "How are you? Ma Ma missed you so much."

Xiao Zhan blinks. Not knowing what to say, he looks to Yi Bo for help.

He catches the hurt that flashes on the woman's face and sees her force a smile.

"They're your parents." Yi Bo says.

"Oh," Xiao Zhan says. "Hello," he waves at them with a forced smile of his own.

The entire visit is an awkward affair, but the visitors seem to have expected nothing less. When they leave, his mother grasps Yi Bo's hands in hers and his father pats him heavily on the back. "Thank you for taking care of my son. He seems…" she tries to find the right words, "He seems to be doing well. If you need anything…if you need us to take care of him or money or anything else…feel free to ask."

Yi Bo smiles, warm and weary, and takes her hands in his. "Don't worry Ma. Feel free to visit him anytime."

-

He doesn't know how anyone could have recognized them with their masks and caps. It had just been a short walk to the supermarket from their apartment, but by the time they have paid for their groceries, a large group of bystanders have gathered by the entrance. Lights flash and phones snap from cameras trained on them and Xiao Zhan winces, burying his face into Yi Bo's side.

Yi Bo rubs a hand down his back soothingly. "Excuse me," he says loudly to them. "Could you please let us through?"

No one pays any heed of him.

"So it's true they're together."

"Does that mean Yi Bo retired as well to take care of Xiao Zhan after the accident?" Someone cursed. "Those rumors were right all along."

Someone else clicks their tongue. "These sisheng are really too much. Are they happy now that their idol got into a car crash and had to leave the entertainment scene because they couldn't stop tracking his car?"

Someone hushes her. "Choi! Don't talk about it so openly. Didn't you hear about what happened to Xiao Zhan because of it?"

"What a shame…he was so bright and talented."

"What a shame for both of them," another person corrects. "They were so popular then."

Looming figures press closer and they seem to encircle them on all sides with no way of escape. Xiao Zhan whimpers and clings tight to Yi Bo.

Yi Bo whispers in his ear, loud and clear above the clamoring voices. "When I count to three, just follow my lead and run as hard as you can okay?"

Xiao Zhan nods.

Slowly, Yi Bo puts their grocery bags on the ground. On the third count, they are sprinting. Yi Bo elbows his way through the crowd with Xiao Zhan's hand firmly grasped in his.

They run all the way back, the wind howling past their ears and their feet slapping against the hard ground as they flee, and when they are finally back home in their small apartment Yi Bo wraps Xiao Zhan's shaking body in his arms.

"You're safe now." Yi Bo murmurs, his warm breath puffing onto Xiao Zhan's ear. "Everything is safe now," he repeats, and it sounds as if he was trying to convince himself of the fact as well.

-

Xiao Zhan runs through the house laughing as Yi Bo chases him. He hides in their bedroom behind the bed just as Yi Bo bursts in with the ugly doodle Xiao Zhan did of him in hand.

"You're going to regret this," Yi Bo says with a grin as he advances towards him.

Xiao Zhan puts his hands out in placation. "I'm sorry Wang Lao Shi. I have learned from my mistake so please-"

His voice is cut off as Yi Bo lunges forward and wrestles him onto the bed only to tickle his sides.

"Ah Yi Bo!" He exclaims before his voice dissolves into laughter.

When Yi Bo has finally deemed he sufficiently punished, he flops down on top of Xiao Zhan. Both of them are breathing heavily after the exertion of laughing so hard earlier.

"Are you going to do that again?" Yi Bo asks.

Xiao Zhan brings a hand to his forehead in salute and says solemnly, "Never again Wang Lao Shi."

Yi Bo laughs, bright and clear.

Xiao Zhan wishes he could remember how it sounded forever.

-

"Yi Bo ah," Xiao Zhan says. "I want to watch that drama we filmed together."

Yi Bo doesn't look at him as he says, "Alright." His voice trembles. "Alright."

-

They are in the underground car park of their apartment building. Xiao Zhan sits on the edge of the curb, clapping obediently as Yi Bo shows off the range of stunts he can do on his skateboard.

The sound of wheels slapping against the ground echoes through the car park. It is almost empty except for a few cars littered around the edges. Xiao Zhan wonders if they ever left the apartment, especially since he recalls from the newspaper clippings he read this morning that they used to be celebrities.

A shadow looms over him and he looks up to see Yi Bo standing in front of him. He must have skated over without Xiao Zhan noticing. "What are you thinking," he asks.

Xiao Zhan blinks. "Hm?"

"You dazed off."

"I was…" His first thought was to make up a lie, but as he darts a look at the enclosed walls surrounding them on all sides he settles on the truth. "I was thinking if we can go somewhere."

He sees Yi Bo's shoulders tense. "Where?" he says.

"Anywhere," Xiao Zhan says. "Anywhere that isn't this building," he adds.

Yi Bo looks away from him to the far wall of the car park. "No."

Xiao Zhan frowns. "Why not?"

"I said no."

"Why?"

"Because I said so!" Yi Bo shouts. It rings through the car park and rings louder in Xiao Zhan's ears.

Tears begin to fill Xiao Zhan's eyes.

Anger melts away from Yi Bo's face immediately. "Xiao Zhan-" he reaches a hand towards him.

Xiao Zhan runs off towards the stairs. It only takes a few flights before he reaches ground level. He can hear Yi Bo calling his name and the sound of his footsteps behind him.

The glass doors are only a few steps away and beyond it, the world outside. He grasps the metal handle, solid and cool to the touch, but before he could pull the doors open he is stopped by strong arms that wrap around his chest.

Yi Bo presses his face into Xiao Zhan's neck, panting harshly.

"Please," Yi Bo says. "It's for your own good."

Xiao Zhan looks at the building opposite them and wonders if it looks the same as theirs. He looks at the cracked pavement outside where weed has pushed its way past the concrete tiles and looks at the trees planted in intervals beside the road. A man on a motorcycle zooms past on his way to a destination Xiao Zhan will never know.

"Please," Yi Bo says.

He looks up to the sky. It is a deep blue dotted with clouds that look like cotton candy and he bets a gust of wind could blow them all away in one go. It looks like a lovely day.

"Please," Yi Bo begs.

He lets Yi Bo lead him back to their apartment by the hand.

-

Tears are spilling down Xiao Zhan's cheeks and it wets the front of Yi Bo's shirt where his face is pressed against it. "I don't want to forget today. I don't want to forget."

"Sshhh," Yi Bo comforts him with a hand on his back. "We'll meet each other again tomorrow. That's not too bad, isn't it?"

He shakes his head furiously, balls his fists into Yi Bo's shirt. "No, I don't want that."

Yi Bo remains silent as he thinks of a reply to that. "How about I get you a cup of milk?" he finally says. "When you've calmed down we can think about finding a solution. How does that sound?"

His voice is soft and gentle. Xiao Zhan nods.

The milk warms its way down to his stomach, but by the time Yi Bo takes the empty glass away from him everything is spinning and his eyes are heavy and Xiao Zhan suspects he must have put something in it. Xiao Zhan sobs, "No no no." He clings to Yi Bo, "I don't want to forget you."

Yi Bo's hand is warm on his back and his voice soothing as he croons a melody in his ear until Xiao Zhan falls asleep once more.

-

"Let's stay up tonight." Xiao Zhan says. "We can watch the stars like we did before. We can watch it until the sun rises. Won't it be beautiful?"

Yi Bo looks at him. Xiao Zhan can see the struggle in his eyes as Yi Bo says quietly, "It doesn't work like that."

Xiao Zhan maintains his smile. "What doesn't?"

"You don't forget your memories because you sleep." Yi Bo says. "We tried it before." He adds on, "multiple times."

"Even if…even if there's a chance it won't work," Xiao Zhan's voice wavers as he struggles not to cry, " I still want to watch the stars and the sunrise with you. Can't I?"

Yi Bo wraps him in his arms, kisses the side of his forehead. "Of course," he says.

The stars are numerous and bright. They twinkle at them as if in comfort that they will be here for them to look up to every night until the end of eternity. Unchanging and constant, and in a way Xiao Zhan is the same too. For when change is bound to happen like clockwork with every dawn it becomes unchanging, and so is Yi Bo's life when he decided to bind himself to him.

They bury under one coat and they speak of everything and nothing at all. Their hands are grasped tight together and their breaths puff into small clouds in the cold air before vanishing into the dark of the night.

Xiao Zhan feels hope swell in his chest too large for him to contain. He can do it, he _will_ do it, he will remember today and this memory, of sitting together on the balcony of their home with their bodies pressed flushed against each other to keep warm from the cold but it doesn't affect him one bit because he is content when Yi Bo is by his side.

And as the sun rises, its golden glow spilling over them, Xiao Zhan turns to look at him. His eyes are tensed at the corners and he is clutching Xiao Zhan's hand so hard it hurts. Xiao Zhan can't bear to pull away. They have reached the peak of their rollercoaster ride and as much as they know they are one step away from the drop they wish with a fervent heart it will stay like this all the same.

Xiao Zhan's head begins to throb painfully.

The gold fades away into the blue of a new morning.

He blinks at the man whose hand is grasped tight in his. He pulls away, and the man lets him go.

"Your name is Xiao Zhan," he hears him say. He thinks the man looks like he is about to cry.

-

"How long have I been like this?" Xiao Zhan asks.

Yi Bo hesitates for a moment. "I can't remember."

"Tell me."

"What's the point of knowing?" Yi Bo says.

Xiao Zhan frowns, and Yi Bo shrugs his shoulders in mock nonchalance. "I don't know. I didn't bother to count."

"Aren't you tired?" _Of this, of me, of the mornings and nights. Of hellos and goodbyes._

Yi Bo's gaze does not waver from him. "Never."

-

His eyes hurt from straining them open for so long. But if he has gauged correctly, it is going to be morning soon.

He looks at Yi Bo sleeping soundly beside him. His arm is draped over his waist and the other pillowed under Xiao Zhan's head.

Xiao Zhan smiles. He is giddy with excitement as he imagines how Yi Bo would look when he sees that the Xiao Zhan of today is still the same Xiao Zhan of yesterday.

But as the sun creeps across the horizon, his head begins to hurt and he squeezes his eyes shut in pain. Exhaustion rolls over him and he loses the battle once more.

-

He hears the front door click shut as Yi Bo leaves.

Immediately, Xiao Zhan runs to the kitchen and snatches a knife from the cupboard. He locks himself in the bathroom, his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

He turns the knife from side to side, admires how it reflects under the dim light. He doesn't know how he is going to do this, he hasn't really planned it out to be honest. But he doesn't have much time, Yi Bo has only gone downstairs to collect their delivered groceries and he doesn't trust the Xiao Zhan of tomorrow to be able to have the same resolve that he does.

He doesn't want to make a mess of things so he plops down in the bathtub and tries to get comfortable. He takes a deep breath and slices the skin off his wrist. It isn't deep by any measure, but it burns all the same and he hisses in pain.

For Yi Bo, he reminds himself. The thought keeps him going. A little temporary pain cannot be compared to the life Yi Bo has doomed himself to. And so he presses the knife to his skin once more, with more force and more resolution than anything else behind it.

He must have fell unconscious along the way, for his head pounds to the sound of thumping against the bathroom door. "Xiao Zhan!" He hears. "Open the door!"

He ignores it. Even if he had changed his mind, he has not a single shred of strength left in him to open it let alone move. His arms feel like they are on fire.

He looks down at himself. The knife has fallen next to him, tainted in red. Angry red slashes ride up his arms like tracks of a railroad where trails of blood flow from them like gentle brooks as they head towards the drain.

He smiles. This time he welcomes the blackness that swallows him whole.

-

He wakes to the sound of beeping. The smell of antiseptic burns his nose. His arms hurt, and he looks down to see them wrapped heavily in bandages.

He whimpers, more in fear than pain itself. The man sleeping in the chair beside his bed gets up instantly, brushing his hair back gently and of all a sudden he feels a lot calmer.

"Don't worry okay? You're in the hospital for…for some injuries." The man says. "You were in a car accident and suffered from a traumatic brain injury. That's why you can't seem to remember anything because you lose your memories every day once you wake up. But this injury isn't related to that," his voice wavers. "You just got hurt again."

-

Xiao Zhan runs his fingers down the scars on his arms. "Do you dislike them?" he asks.

"No," Yi Bo says. "I can never dislike anything about you."

He presses a kiss to each scar. "Just…just promise me never to do that again."

"I promise." The words leave him easily, for how was he to keep it if he will forget it tomorrow?

-

There are no locks on any of the doors, all knives and sharp objects are kept under lock and key and so are the sleeping pills in the cabinet. The windows in the house remain locked throughout.

Xiao Zhan trails a finger along the ridged bumps of his scars. He does not need his memories to understand any of it.

-

Xiao Zhan has his legs wrapped around Yi Bo's waist. His fingers splay themselves on the line of muscles on his stomach and smiles indulgently to himself when they harden under his touch.

Yi Bo grunts, pounding his hips into him. Xiao Zhan gasps, arches his back and clings harder to him. Their breaths mingle in the heat between them, thick and hot. Yi Bo closes the space and Xiao Zhan moans into the kiss, lets their tongues entwine together.

Fire is surging through his veins and the only thing that gives Xiao Zhan clarity is the feeling of Yi Bo on his tongue, Yi Bo inside of him and Yi Bo's arms wrapped around him that holds him steady against the bed. That keeps him safe from the depravity of the world outside.

They are intertwined, they are an entity melded into one, and Xiao Zhan thinks it is nothing short of cruel that fate has bound Yi Bo so tightly to him.

When both of them are sated and satisfied, Yi Bo falls asleep with his arms around him.

Xiao Zhan raises his arms carefully and looks at his scars. It seems try as he might, he can never break the shackles that tie them together.

-

He wakes to strong arms wrapped around him and scrambles away with a shout of alarm.

The man whose arms he was in a moment ago begins to speak. "Your name is Xiao Zhan," he says. "You were in a car accident and suffered from a traumatic brain injury. That's why you can't seem to remember anything because you lose your memories every day once you wake up."

"I'm Wang Yi Bo." He pauses. "We've been lovers for a long time."

-

He wakes to strong arms wrapped around him.

The man speaks.

The day begins and ends with him in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> in order of appearance:
> 
> Wen Shan: 温善，温=warm, gentle, 善=kind
> 
> si sheng: 私生 it's a degradatory term given to fans that stalk their idols eg. going to the airport/hotel to meet them when their locations are not released publicly, going to the filming sites to film their idols secretly. it can go quite extreme, in fact a sisheng changed xiao zhan's flight before so she could sit near him, and recently a sisheng put a tracking device on yi bo's car.
> 
> “Don’t worry Ma.”: in case there is any confusion, in chinese culture and in fact a lot of asian cultures, when one marries they refer to their inlaws as how they would their own parents so the parents are indeed xiao zhan's parents!
> 
> choi: it's a cantonese colloquial term which means touch wood, which means warding away bad luck. chinese people are quite superstitious so in case the same thing might happen to them if they gossip about it especially publicly, the person said choi to ward the bad luck away xD
> 
> thank you to whoever has read to the end of my first bjyx fic! here are my [twitter](https://twitter.com/tandoubletan) & [tumblr](http://doubletan.tumblr.com/) i usually only lurk in the china fandom and occasionaly the english-speaking/international bjyx fandom, so it would be nice to get to know people who love both of them too! <3


End file.
